Sea Fruit

 I have begun to view my recovery as just that, a recovery of a former version of myself. Sort of like meeting an old friend, continuing a long forgotten conversation with no elapse between visits. At least that's what I tell people in the meeting, hoping they can't tell I'm acutely intoxicated. How many of these fucking 24 hour tokens are they going to give me? I've lived more in the light and the shadow than any of them, who are they to tell me I can't have a foot in both. Uniformity, conformity, ubiquity, loss. 

I finished all my work early today and began to suspect that my thoughts were somehow connected to our wifi network so I unplugged my desktop and slithered back to my car. I need lots of alcohol and this koolaid caffeine powder I bought on ebay. I stopped at the bank first and deposited a bag full of confederate coins and five Spanish doubloons. Having dropped several of the coins on the floor, instinctively and spontaneously my mouth ballooned to three feet in diameter and I began sucking up the coins like a vacuum. Unsatisfied with this, I began sucking up the artwork in the lobby (only the pieces I liked) and then a few of the bank tellers.

 I wonder why some of us are sent here already out of phase, set at variance with the rest of the cast. Each maladjustment a virtue to be unlocked, or so the eastern spiritualists would have us believe. A constellation of pathologies recalcitrant to treatment - how do you cure something that is not a disease.  Woke up drunk again today, unsure of where I departed or where I arrived. How is it that one can elevate their experiences by lowering their faculties? The paradoxical disinhibition that alcohol provides me is the only reprieve I ever seem to have anymore. Every day of my life is a going out of business sale, everything I am is 90% off as long as I can get paid tonight.  The hierarchy, unseen, has compelled me to bow down and worship the profane. Our eyes glisten as they pass over the things or people that we want, trying to determine how they would be integrated into our lives, living out fantasies instead of our own lives. We esteem ourselves based on how bright t...

I was in a hotel laying across one of those open ended sofas you see in  celebrity lifestyle shows. Flowers had been arranged, the details of which were lost upon me but the bill surely not. People began rushing in, carrying our luggage with smiles upon their face that seemed genuine. I checked my wristwatch - 2:57 am. Why had we arrived so late?  This was a hotel I previously worked at after my life had fallen apart. I worked the night audit there, checking in affluent guests, tending to the ones who imbibed after the bar closed at 2:00 and pretending what happened in 2011 hadn't happened. Now arriving as a guest myself, I noticed the same general manager and assistant general manager worked there. I held no ill will against them, it wasn't their fault my timeline had intersected upon theirs in such an unexpected way. Almost like a victory lap, I returned now in a position to pay the $2400 nightly fee to stay in Marilyn Monroe. The hotel didn't have room numbers per se, bu...