Mister Onion Face, I'm From Outer Space

I finished all my work early today and began to suspect that my thoughts were somehow connected to our wifi network so I unplugged my desktop and slithered back to my car. I need lots of alcohol and this koolaid caffeine powder I bought on ebay. I stopped at the bank first and deposited a bag full of confederate coins and five Spanish doubloons. Having dropped several of the coins on the floor, instinctively and spontaneously my mouth ballooned to three feet in diameter and I began sucking up the coins like a vacuum. Unsatisfied with this, I began sucking up the artwork in the lobby (only the pieces I liked) and then a few of the bank tellers.